Beyonce’s “Lemonade” album provided an unexpected glimpse into the challenges of her marriage. As I listened to this raw expression of love and pain, I was in awe of the many lessons that women can learn about the emotional effort that it takes to build a marriage worth fighting for. Through music and passion, Beyonce explicates concepts that I have found to be priceless in my role as marriage counselor and wife.
While the lessons are myriad, for the sake of time, this particular blog will solely focus on seven of the concepts that Beyonce has shared with us about Building a Marriage Worth Fighting For.
If you believe that your marriage will escape challenges, then you do not truly understand marriage. There will be multiple times that you consider giving up and walking away from your spouse all together. Your relationship will have its share of problems, and yes, some of these problems will be heartbreaking. But, if both spouses are willing and dedicated to working through it, they can overcome these obstacles together.
2. A marriage can heal after infidelity.
Here’s the startling truth, over 94% of marriages are impacted by some version of infidelity; physical, emotional, and/or cyber. It is more common than anyone is willing to discuss. Infidelity can have an impact that requires spouses to grieve the loss of what they thought their marriage would be. Yet, despite its devastating impact, it is possible for a marriage to heal from and through infidelity.
3. Talk to someone about the challenges that you are going through.
The entire Lemonade album was Beyonce’s raw attempt to communicate about her experiences. So often women suffer in silence. They receive little to no support with the concerns that they are facing in their relationships. Women have been acculturated to believe that talking about our pain is problematic. However, it is the silence that multiplies our pain. Please find a safe person to speak to about your concerns and get help. We have to learn to speak up about what we are going through and what we need. There is power in developing a strong, loving, and caring support system.
4. Trust your own voice
Too often women’s voices have been disempowered by society and family. Unfortunately, women who speak up are often deemed crazy. What is even more concerning is that Black women who speak up are often described as an angry bitch. Ask yourself, what’s worst being unhappy so that people won’t label you crazy; or trusting your voice and being happy despite people periodically confusing your passion for anger. Whichever you choose, the choice resides in your decision to use or not use your voice.
5. Speak up about what you need to remain in this relationship
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for women to become content with accepting whatever their spouses are willing to contribute to their marriage. We are afraid that if we speak up we will lose our significant others. The truth is that your self-advocacy might indeed result in the loss of your relationship. But, which would you rather lose, your relationship or your ability to live life according to what you believe is best for you? If you don’t say what you want and mean, you will surely lose the most valuable thing you have…yourself.
6. Don’t care what other people think about your decision to fight for your marriage
The eyes of the world were on Beyonce after the notorious elevator event. It would have been easy for her to focus on what others thought about her and her marriage. But, instead she focused on what she believed was best for her and chose to focus her energy on building a marriage worth fighting for. I am convinced that this was the very moment that “Lemonade” was born. She chose to be the creator of her story and tell it in a way that would bring healing to both her and her relationship.
7. Figure out how you can contribute to building a marriage worth fighting for, but know that it is both of your responsibilities to create it.
In the first picture we see an image of a humbled Jay Z that is literally laying at his wife’s feet. In the second image see a picture from an after party that Beyonce threw for her couple friends following the 2016 VMA’s.
Both images reflect a spouse who recognizes that there is something that both of them need to do to protect and build a healthy marriage. Jay Z demonstrates his need to fully love every inch of his wife, down to the soles of her feet and Beyonce has created a circle of friends who (hopefully) share similar beliefs regarding marriage as she Jay Z. There is no easy way to build a marriage worth fighting for, but when both spouses are engaged the guarantee of success is infinitely higher.
If you believe that you and your spouse desire help with “Building a Marriage Worth Fighting For” feel free to contact Imagine Me Counseling, LLC at 314-744-9027 or www.imaginemecounseling.com for an appointment. Help is literally a click or phone call away.